Saturday, March 12, 2005

A joke ( two cows tale)

This is a joke I read few moths ago under the name of (The Two Cows Tale),


GLOBAL ECONOMICS DE-MYSTIFIED


SOCIALISM:
You have two cows, and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM:
You have two cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have two cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have two cows, the Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have two cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the otherand throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, andthe economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clevercow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eatonce a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim fullemployment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

A DUTCH CORPORATION
STOP: The cows are not ready yet

7 comments:

waldschrat said...

In light of the rising frequency of human contacts with bears, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and be alert for bears while in the field, particularly grizzly bears.

They advise that people wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise people to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.

People in the Alaskan wilderness should learn to recognize the difference between black bear excrement and grizzly bear excrement. Black bear excrement is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear excrement, on the other hand, has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

strykeraunt said...

Truthteller, I'm not one who usually appreciates jokes unless I can personally relate to them. This one you tell is funny. Sometimes I feel like one of those two cows who works for the American Corporation:D

Waldschrat, I can also relate to your joke because when I was a child I lived in a logging camp on the Prince of Whales Island in Alaska (it would be nice to be back in those days). Thankfully there weren't any Grizzlies, but plenty of black bears.

Fayrouz said...

Abu Najma,

The Japanese Corporation is very true. I once worked on a project with a Japanese company. They were so perfect it made my team work harder to keep our team as perfect as their team.

And they're the most polite people I've ever met in my life.

Mike O said...

Here's something I wrote a while back; I actually had an encounter with grizzlies while hiking many years ago. Scary for all of us, but the bears seemed pretty casual about it (in Grand Teton Park):

Bear mace; one of those 'great' ideas that either works or doesn't.
If it doesn't, it's good that they put flourescent dye in it; at least it'll help identify where all the intestines are hanging in the trees.
And if it *does* work, would you want to be the next guy who that bear runs across? 'Oh, there's one of those hairless apes who tore the crud out my nose last time!' GGRRRRRRR!!!.....AAARRGGGH!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Very good!

An old joke from the Soviet Union:

One day, at last, socialism came to the Sahara Desert.
Fifty years later, there was a shortage of sand.


I made up this cow joke years ago, but it probably requires too much knowledge of English:

The US tax laws have made it profitable for wealthy people to invest in cattle ranching, even if they knew nothing about it and are not any good at it. A wealthy lawyer decided to try it, so he bought a ranch and a herd of cows to raise on the ranch. He and his cowboys were surprised to hear the lawyer's cows calling, "MOOOOT. MOOOOOT. MOOOOOT."

Note: In English, we usually write the call of a cow as "Moo." The word, "moot," is a legal term, in English.


Cow decorative motifs were popular a few years ago. They always were black spots on a white, which is the pattern of the Holstein breed of cows. A lady, who was a friend of mine, adopted this fashion. I thought it funny that she had a tea kettle with the cow pattern on it. The manufacturer called the tea kettle, "The Holsteam."

Michael in Framingham

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