Thursday, March 03, 2005

Men Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both._ If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!!"


David said...

You,Sir,are the bearer of many truths!I can only give you my sincere gratitude and thanks in short manner,since I am presently occupied, rolling on the floor in wild, hilarious laughter. Thank you my friend...


D. B. Light said...

Very nice! Husbandhood seems to be a universal condition. Any middle-class man in any country can easily identify with your "rules."

Anonymous said...

HAHA I had to double check to make sure this was you. A tad out of the ordinary, but nonetheless true. Playboy magazine has some good material in it, you oughta check it out.

Anonymous said...

I was laughing out loud when I read this and promptly emailed it to all my friends. Thanks for perking up my Friday!!

Mike O said...

It must be driven by the Y chromosome, because no truths are more universal than the ones you listed. Unchanged for centuries, except for the bit about cars; before cars, the topic would have been horses.

Anonymous said...

Greetings, sir!

Love your blog....and your thoughts on "rules". Seems the "rules" are the same, no mather what side of the world you occupy! I LOVE IT!


your match said...

I certainly think you won the admiration of many oppressed men ,but I'm quite sure that you spent the next day trying to cook your own meals !God help you

Anonymous said...

"He said -- She said" is an interesting book on this subject. An academic linguist wrote it, but it's very readable and was popular here in the US a few years ago.

Good luck to us all!
-- Tilli (Mojave Desert)

PS - In her March 2 comments section, someone sent Rose of Baghdad a really good list of sources for e-books (some free), which can be downloaded from the web (usually in PDF format) and printed out. This made me think of Najma reading Dickens in school!

Here is a good site for free books (Dickens, Jane Austen and other books whose copyright has expired)

Anonymous said...

BRAVO! A man like yourself with such wisdom should have run for the Iraqi parliament! This post should be copied and emailed to every female on the planet, regardless of nationality or religion. Maybe it should list this as the subject matter:

"We're not like you and we're never going to be, so DEAL WITH IT." :)

--Michael in Los Angeles

Fayrouz said...

"Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way."

That's very true. Each time I go shopping with my husband, it feels like I'm taking him to the dentist, unless we're going to Home Depot. I really don't undersand why men don't like shopping.

OK, women's turn:
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

慢慢來 said...